Even a Life Like This
by Makai-Rahl
Summary: Pre Saw 2. Amanda sometimes wonders...why me?... and what had brought her to John, and if the lessons he tought her were worth something, but he tells her that even this life is worth living. ONESHOT! Enjoy!


Disclaimer: I don't own SAW. (Or Harry Potter)

A/N: Hey all, I know that I just updated my other story, but then this idea hit me, and I had to get it don, it is a one shot, and I'll update my other story soon. This one is pre-Saw 2 and I hope you like it!

Amanda stared at her drabby apartment, taking it all in, maybe for the last time. John stood serenely at the window, staring out into the street, hoping that Obi had been successful in his task of rounding up everyone.

Finally, he turned back to Amanda and said quietly, "It's time to begin Amanda, are you ready?" She nodded, and went to go find the supplies that she would need to start her task.

Going into the bathroom, she took out a razor, gauze, a clean needle, and some medical thread. Shutting the medicine cabinet, she stared at herself in the mirror for a moment, wondering once again how she had gotten to this point, what had drove her to this, to him.

She had been abused as a child, forced under the stairs by her father, like some twisted version of Harry Potter. Her mother had abandoned her to her fate, to the beating, to the loneliness. That's how she had first found release and the comfort of a razorblade; how she had found the unmatchable high in the heroin.

And that's how he found her. Beaten, broken, lost. He had brought her back; he had taught her that it wasn't her choice to throw her life away, that she had to give herself another chance. She blinked, and nodded to herself in reassurance. John knew that, and he knew what he was doing. Amanda knew what she learned in this house, along with the others would again forever change her life.

Going back out into her room, she seated herself on the edge of the bed. Taking out the razor, John stood in front of her as she placed it first on the inside of her wrist, and closed he eyes as she felt the sweet sting of freshly cut flesh. But wait, something was different, and halfway though the second cut she stopped.

"John…I…I can't do it…" she let the blade fall to the floor, and he quietly picked it back up.

"Yes you can Amanda, you are strong, you know that you still have life within you, and I know that's why this is hard… But it will all be ok. But for now," his tone turned harsh as he saw tears forming in her eyes, " For the other one, and be careful, you don't want these to scar, I don't have any more ointment left." Amanda nodded, and proceeded to drag the blade against her other wrist, and cry. John conforted her, and after she was done, he pulled a bottle of peroxide off of the night stand, and cleaned out her wounds, and spoke as he sewed them up and gently wrapped them in gauze.

"I know there are still times that you wonder if you're strong enough to do this Amanda, if it's all worth it in the end…If these people will really change…" he hugged her close and she sobbed.

"Is it all worth it John…did any of us really change…are any of us really fixed? Or is it all just a fucking lie?" Amanda cried, running her hands through her choppy hair, standing up next to her surrogate father. " I mean, you helped me, but will I be the odd one out because I had the courage to survive? Can you even call that courage?" she voiced all of her thoughts, her wrists still aching. " I mean, when you put me in that…thing," she spat, " All I thought was that I was going to die…"

John shook his head, "No, I don't think that you'll be the only one… I hope that you won't be…I know that one day you will make others see what I have accomplished here, and better themselves accordingly. Ours is not to wonder, or even hope; it is just to live, and not waste what we have. For then, we might just lose it." He nodded to himself as she put on her black hoodie and boots, readying herself to leave.

"But, what will they make of us then? I don't even know who I've become some days John…I mean one day I'm in the hospital recovering... and the next I'm stuck in a headtrap…then the next I'm helping my ex potential killer, who turns out to be a father to me…" she turned back to John, and then understood why. "But this is what we do, and will continue to do, to rid the world of scum, and appreciate life, for as long as we can live it."

"And that's all I can ask for Amanda, and one more thing." He faced her as she turned to leave. "I am proud of you Amanda, and how far you've come, I just hope you will apply what you've learned after I'm gone."

Amanda nodded silently, and walked out the door, knowing that even this life she was given was worth living.

Mak: Hey it's real short, but go ahead and hit the button will ya? thnx.


End file.
